A Simple Guide for Feeding Me

Written by your preschooler

It seems like you’ve been struggling, Mom. Nearly every day you feed me terrible things. I know your primary goal in life is to make me happy, and I truly want to make your life easier so here is a simple, printable guide for preparing food I will love!


  • Apples—I love apples. I will happily eat whole apples every day except for the third Wednesday of the month when I never touch an apple unless it is peeled and sliced.
  • Bananas—same as apples, basically, except on Thursdays when I hate (detest) anything banana-related. Even the Minions song.
  • Blueberries—these are awesome. I can eat them or … if you buy the really expensive organic ones, I discovered this awesome game where I tuck them into the slats on the air conditioner…and you’ve never even found them!


  • Forget about it. Just no. Give it up already.
  • If it’s green, I won’t be eating it. Green is the color of grass, which you’ve repeatedly told me not to eat, so I’m just trying to listen and obey.


  • Mostly the only meat I like is whatever special meat you have prepared just for yourself. Like salmon, steak, or lobster. That’s what I want. If you actually make enough for me, though, then I don’t want it. Just fyi.
  • Chicken nuggets. Good choice.


  • I like the long spaghetti noodles with red sauce on Tuesdays, butter and salt on Fridays, and white sauce on Saturdays. Anything else will be met with disdain. Please don’t offer me pasta on the other days of the week. We don’t eat pasta on those days. Also I should note that we always wear white on Tuesdays.
  • Macaroni and cheese—I pretty much love mac and cheese unless you tell someone else I love mac and cheese and they make it when I’m at their house. Then I’ve never liked it.


  • Solid choice. Anything with sugar. Can’t go wrong here.
  • *Rules subject to change without notice. Some restrictions apply. Not valid in all states. Not valid on days without naps. Not valid on days where my little sister is extra annoying. Not responsible for dashed hopes after using this guide. Good luck.

    Anita grew up in Belize as a missionary kid. She has lived in 3 countries and traveled on 5 continents but can’t resist the allure of subzero winters so she now lives in MN with her Egyptian husband and two daughters. She loves God, unreached people groups, and pretending to be trendy by drinking coffee and documenting it on Instagram @savethecamels.

    Now a hack from Kristin Johnson for how to get your kids to actually EAT something, like deviled eggs, while on the go.

    1. Tell us about your “mom hack”.

    I bring deviled eggs to the park for snacks!

    2. Can you describe it for us?

    In the summer we eat almost all of our snacks and lunches outside and I was sick of buying fruit snacks and bars to give to my kids all the time. So I decided to give them deviled eggs on-the-go because they’re inexpensive, healthy, and filling.

    One day I remembered how you can put frosting in a bag to use as piping so I transferred that idea to the deviled eggs!

    3. Awesome! So how do you actually execute this tasty treat?

    First you hard boil the eggs. Then you peel them, cut them in half, and then put the halves in a bag (to be filled with the deviled egg part later). Then transfer the yolks to a bowl.

    Next, you whip together the yolks with mayo and S&P (if desired) to make the filling. Put that filling in a plastic bag.

    Once you’re at the park, cut off the corner of the bag and “pipe it” into the middle of the egg.

    Ta da! You have a beautifully filled deviled egg that your kids will love and enjoy.

    Kristin is a mom of three and has been married to her husband for 11 years. She loves to find the humor in life and gets a thrill from finding a good deal. 

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